I was having a conversation with a friend of mine last night in which I had my own realisation. How you feel about yourself is infinitely more important than your parents opinion of you, or your partner’s or potential partners, your friends and lastly, complete strangers.
That’s not to say that you should disregard the opinions of those people, however if you believe negative things about yourself then that’s what you put out to the world. Looking just at my past relationships with their toxicity and their control issues – and that’s coming from both sides – I realised that those were the times in my life where I had the worst opinion of myself. Where I was cutting myself regularly. Where I would believe the voices in my head that told me I was a worthless piece of scum and I should take any attention I could get because I was lucky to get any attention at all. I’m happy to report that the last 2 and a half years where I’ve felt much better about myself, all my interactions with people whether it be my relationship or my friendships or family have been much more positive.
Now that’s not some new-age nonsense about “be positive and your issues will go away” because that’s not the case at all. I still have bad moments where I’m down or upset or negative about myself. Positivity alone does not change mental health just like positivity doesn’t make your broken leg heal. And it’s the easiest thing to say when I’m in a good place that you need to be positive because I know from experience that it’s the most infuriating thing to hear when you’re down. So I won’t say that.
But what I will say is that your self-worth is the most important thing. The stranger walking past you on the street seeing you do some daft dance might thing you’re a total moron but that doesn’t mean you’re a total moron. You might embarrass yourself in front of that cute person at the bar who walks off and thinks “What a loser” but that doesn’t make you a loser. Your parents might disagree with what you’re doing with your life but if you feel good about it then that’s all that matters. Although I must say that’s not validation to go out and pull a Burke and Hare and kill people for profit because you feel it’s doing good on some level.
At the end of the day, you’re stuck with you for the entirety of your life. You might want to make peace with who that person is and learn to love them through whatever method you choose. Whether that’s simply an attitude adjustment or something bigger like a change to your eating habits or going to see a psychiatrist. The person you are is more than enough and nobody else’s opinion matters in relation to you but yours.