Time’s up.

Every time you hear “it’s political correctness gone mad” or “it never used to be like this, people are so sensitive now” when the discussion of rape, sexual assault or sexual misconduct is brought up, remember that you’re hearing people literally say is “it used to be so much easier to sexually assault people”.

It’s 2018 and I turn 25 in 3 months time and I’m bored now. I’m bored of explaining to you what consent is. I’m bored of men who think this discussion about how you conduct yourself when it comes to sex is somehow a war on masculinity. I’m bored of anyone who takes a discussion on consent as a personal attack. If someone telling you that you need to get consent for everything you do that involves another person feels like an attack on you, change your behaviour because it’s clearly wrong.

For those of you who don’t know, I had my consent taken away from me when I was a child by someone unrelated to me and thankfully someone I never have to see again. That was the first time I realised there were people in this world who will take what they want without care or concern for another person. My story is one that I’ve only ever half told and I’ll likely ever tell it in its full state, and it’s one you don’t need to know in its entirety. It should never have happened.

But then again, I should never have been dragged down an alleyway by my hair when I was 17 on my way home from a gig only for the guy to let me go and walk away laughing like it was some joke. I should never at 20 had a job interview where the interviewer kissed me and said it was “for the part” and then later call me at 3am to tell he loved me and would kill himself if I didn’t take the job and play his girlfriend. At 21 I should never have had to involve the police when a person taking my tour threatened to rape me. At 22 I should never have had the groom-to-be on a stag do taking a tour push me against a wall and have to be dragged off me by his group. At 23 I shouldn’t have needed my boss to grab a guy by his collar and throw him off me when this guy kept stroking my costume and wouldn’t stop when I told him to, several times. And last week when I was in Dublin I shouldn’t have had a semi-well known comedian send me vulgar messages repeatedly despite making it clear I wasn’t interested in him because he thought I’d sleep with him because I knew who he was. But all that happened, and the sad thing is that’s mild. There are so many people – women and men – who have much worse stories.

So when I hear of men and women taking a stand against sexual misconduct, no matter what it is. I’m incredibly in awe of the strength it takes to do that. When I hear you say “People are too sensitive” in response I hear you say that everything I’ve experienced is totally acceptable and should be allowed to continue unchecked in society.

We constantly dehumanise women when it comes to sexual assault. We say things like “This is someone’s mother, sister or daughter” as if women only exist in relation to someone else. How about don’t assault a woman because she’s a human being? How about be an adult and wait until you have the green light to go forward with anything?

How about we realise that consent means permission? When we change the word consent for permission, it’s so evident that it’s a ridiculous thing to question. Can a child give you permission to have sex with them? No. Can someone who is drunk give you permission to have sex with them? No. Can someone who is unconscious give you permission to have sex with them? No. If someone says “No” when you ask permission, does that mean anything other than no? No. If someone says “Actually, I said yes. But I’ve changed my mind” when you ask permission, does that mean continue? Funnily enough, no. Is it appropriate to just assume you have permission to touch, kiss or have sex with someone? Absolutely not.

There are likely other consent scenarios that I’ve failed to include there. So don’t assume I think that’s the definitive list of when consent – or permission – is important.

It’s 2018 and I’ve had nearly two decades of people thinking my bodily autonomy is worth less than their own wants. Time’s up.


Hi. You’re being sexist.

Over the last few days, since Jo Swinson announced that she will not be standing for leader of the Liberal Democrats (since Tim Farron resigned and that’s a whole other blog post in itself) the sexism from party members has really started to surface.

And unfortunately, from what I’m seeing, the majority to be coming from those who call themselves feminists.

There has been disappointment directed at Jo Swinson for not running because we need a female leader. Almost as if her gender matters more to these critics than her skills, intellect, abilities and characteristics. This is sexism.

There have been calls for her to reconsider her position or suggestions that people will write-in her name on the ballot paper. Almost as if these critics don’t accept the decision she has made herself and think they can make a better decision for her than she can. This is sexism.

The anger at her for not wanting to lead the party after having just been re-elected after the SNP unseating her in 2015 doesn’t make sense either. She’s got to readjust to this way of life and is suddenly being hounded with tweets and facebook messages and emails telling her she *must* stand. Because we say so. Because the Liberal Democrats have never had a female leader and she just so happens to have the right gender identity and parliamentary experience, regardless of the fact she doesn’t want to do it. Attempting to force a woman to do something against her wishes is sexist, please stop it. 

Layla Moran wasn’t even on people’s radars for leader until Jo Swinson ruled herself out. That speaks volumes to me. We have people with such internalised misogyny that we think we can force women to do things because it’s what we want them to do.

Jo Swinson, Layla Moran, Christine Jardine and Wera Hobhouse are all intelligent, talented, skilled MPs who will work wonders for their constituencies. They are not your token female leadership candidate.

By all means, support these ladies if you feel they’d be great leaders and I think they all could be. But supporting them means accepting their decisions. Accepting they know best. Accepting that their decision is the correct one. Accepting that women are people in their own rights and have no obligation on them to do something just because of their gender.

Do you really want to be responsible for forcing a woman into a role you know she doesn’t want?

Nasty Women.

On International Women’s Day I want to make a post dedicated to all the ‘nasty’ women in my life who have made me the nasty woman I am today. Why nasty, you may ask. Well, because that’s one of the many ways the current US President has described women. Others being slobs, pigs, dogs. The list goes on.

The women who have raised me have shaped me into who I am today.

My grandma. A woman so headstrong and tough and amazing that she would have looked Satan himself in the face and told him to move because he was getting soot on the rug. A woman who made sure she was heard.

My granny. The woman who taught me that the phrase ‘Excuse me, but I was in the middle of saying something’ is not rude, but the person interrupting or speaking over you is rude. The woman who taught me how to command a room without the need to raise your voice.

My aunts who went after what they wanted in life and never apologised for it simply because someone disapproved.

My sister who taught me that there’s nothing wrong with gender roles as long as you’re the one making the decision that it’s right for you.

My mother. A woman who words simply cannot describe. A woman who tackles adversity head on. A woman who never seems to sweat the small stuff. A woman who can be strong and soft at the same time. A woman you wouldn’t dare cross, not because she is imposing or threatening but because she commands respect just by being.

If these women are nasty, then I hope I’m half as nasty as them.

And an honourary mention to the men in my life who never tried to limit me because of my gender.

And to all those who did, nice try.

Women in Politics

(Before we get started I’d like to point out that I’ve not censored myself in terms of my language in this post like I normally would.)

I don’t think I’ve ever been more angry than I am just now on such a topic.

We talk constantly about “How do we get more women interested in politics?” And we get thrown answers like “All women shortlists!”

How about we get more women interested in politics by not boiling them down to their sexuality and their body and their attractiveness? How about we see things like this and shut it the fuck down.

Frankie has done a wonderful job in defending herself and I don’t see the need to continue further. If there’s one thing Frankie Leach does not need is help in speaking her mind. She’s wonderfully eloquent in that respect. But I can’t not say something.

The idea that Frankie got anywhere by performing sexual acts on older gentlemen – like one commenter put a lot more graphically than that – is entirely the reason we do not have more women interested in politics.

Frankie got somewhere because she’s an attractive young lady, heaven forbid she has a brain. Whilst we’re at it… why HASN’T Nicola Sturgeon had children? I wonder how much Liz Kendall weighs. Psst… did you hear that Ruth Davidson is a lesbian?

You want more women in politics? You want a more representative parliament instead of it being heavily male dominated? Then don’t stand idly by when things like this happen. Don’t sit and think “Huh they have a point…” when you hear any of these things or the much worse levelled against women in politics in any capacity. Or if you do then start to ask the same damn questions about our male counterparts. Let’s question Jeremy Corbyn’s weight or why Alex Salmond has no children. I wonder who Tim Farron had to blow to get the job… or does that sound utterly ridiculous? Because it should do. It’s the exact same when you ask these questions of women.

You exist because of women, it’s damn well time you started respecting them.

The “F” Word

Feminism, before any of you think I’ve become incredibly prudish in regards to swearing.

I’ve neglected this blog a bit for the latter half of this year, but that’s because I’ve been in university. I’ve been at university studying something that is really not very “ladylike” in that half my degree is Archaeology. It’s academic (gasp) and it’s going to be messy at parts (zoinks!) and you know what? It’s fun. And whilst I’ve been rather silent over here I’ve still been reading other blog posts and once again, I’ve read one that’s really kinda annoyed me.

Before I go any further, I want to thank my parents. I want to thank my dad for raising me to believe that whilst a man should be respectful of you or he’s not a good man, not to be expected to be treated like a princess. I want to thank my mum for not instilling in me the “importance” of pure femininity and letting me wear what I want and (over the age of like 3) not putting me in frilly dresses that I had no time for. I’d like to thank them for the upbringing that focussed on respect and the celebrating of individuality and not making being different weird.

Did I grow up in an overtly feminist house where I woke up first thing in the morning to repeat a mantra of “men are monsters, support yourself and rely on no-one”? No. Of course I didn’t. Would my parents call themselves feminists? Probably not. You’d need to ask them.

I just read a blog post called “I Am A Mother Of Two Children And I Cannot (And Will Not) Support Feminism” which because I don’t believe in censorship I’ve linked so you can read it if you so wish. To summarise for those who don’t want to read it as well as this, it’s about a mother raising two sons and feeling as though feminism is demeaning to them and why shouldn’t she raise her sons to be gentlemen and to give girls compliments when they feel them even though feminists think it’s “harassment” and she wants to raise them to treat women as princesses and there’s many other things of which I’ll touch on a couple.

The idea of raising men to think women are princesses doesn’t sit well with me just as raising women to think that men should treat them as princesses doesn’t sit well with me. It only creates an environment where these women feel entitled to their significant other’s pay cheque before they are and men put themselves into debt trying to please their lady-friend. Trust me, I’ve seen it. (Also, I’m incredibly aware of how hetero-centric all these comments are but I’m writing in purely a response to this lady because she’s failed to even acknowledge her boys could potentially be gay).

And to just derail from my original point slightly, if a girl gets really mad at you for holding a door open for her or offering to carry something that she’s clearly struggling with, that’s not feminism in action. That’s someone who has a lot of issues personally and should not be treated as a yardstick of which to measure feminism against.

Let’s go over the suggestions she put forward for “feminism” being detrimental to her sons. She first mentions the “FCKH8” campaign and suggests that it’d have girls telling her sons to f*ck off if they called them pretty or reached for their hand without permission. (Also, ironic that I mentioned I wasn’t for censorship and then censored myself, I got it). The video she linked to is of little girls swearing but because they were asking what’s more offensive? A little girl swearing or the fact that 1 in 5 women get raped or sexually assaulted? Or the fact that women who graduate with straight As in the US get paid about the same as men who graduated with Cs? It mentioned that whilst being called “pretty” is a compliment (and it is) it shouldn’t be something you solely focus on for a little girl because it can lead them to believe that being pretty is their paramount concern in life. It didn’t at any point say “Tell a dude to f*ck off if he calls you pretty or holds your hand.” That’s kind of insane.

This next one really annoys me in the way she’ has trivialised it. She suggests that the “Hollaback!” campaign is saying that if a man makes eye contact, smiles or says “Hello” to you on the street that women think it’s creepy and scary and should be thought of as a predator. Here’s Hollaback!’s mission statement: Hollaback is a movement to end street harassment powered by a network of local activists around the world.  We work together to better understand street harassment, to ignite public conversations, and to develop innovative strategies to ensure equal access to public spaces. Wow, almost like it wants to end street harassment and not at all suggest that men are monsters. Interesting. Street harassment is having things shouted at you in the street that you feel are intimidating because they’re threatening or they’re overtly sexual and they don’t make you feel safe. It’s not a man smiling and saying “Hi there” to you as he walks past. Don’t trivialise things to make your point.

#YesAllWomen is the next campaign to come under fire. She says that it puts forward the message by stating that all men are rapists because the statistic that I’ve already cited (being 1 in 5 women get sexually assaulted in their lives) means 100% of men were rapists. If 100% of men were rapists, wouldn’t that statistic be higher? Like, I don’t know, 5 in 5 women? The fact remains that 20% of women are raped or sexually assaulted and that’s terrifying. Men also get raped and assaulted, yes. I don’t have that statistic on me right now but if I find it I’ll add it in. (I can’t find male-specific data but 1 in 4 people are sexually assaulted, so 25% of people, and yes the perpetrators can be female also before I’m thrown that argument). I’ll leave you with one final statistic on the #YesAllWomen front, in US congress in 2013 there were over 700 bills proposed to regulate a woman’s body, and there were 0 for men.

She mentioned more but frankly I’m writing far too much already. She goes on to mention that men and women can never be equal because each gender has it’s limitations. If you want to get pedantic about it, sure, the only way we could ever be fully equal is if we were snails, because snails have both male and female parts and all of them can reproduce. I feel that a lot of our information about feminism comes from tumblr and sites like that in which we have a lot of angry teenagers using a blogging platform to express how they’re feeling because they can’t quite figure it out yet because they’re still kids and kids say weird things sometimes.

Feminism is about equality. It’s not about making men feel inferior. It’s about making it okay that a woman wants to do a “male job” like be a plumber (I’ve never seen a female plumber so it was the first thing that came to mind) but also making it okay if a man wants to be a stay at home dad. Feminism is also about being okay with women who choose to conform to their gender stereotypes and roles because they had that choice. And to bring it back to a more personal note, I’m a big proponent of feminism because I am really sick and tired of hearing things like “Being an archaeologist won’t give you much time to spend with your family” or “Why would you want to get a PhD because you’ll only become Mrs. Whatever once you’re married and lose your Dr status.” That last one I’ve heard several times and it’s incredibly frustrating and ridiculously ignorant and I want to smack people on the head who say that. But I won’t, because that’s assault and that’s bad.